What does it mean to become “more yourself”?
Your identity is the person you recognise in the mirror and present to others as “me”. Imagine your identity as the visible, above-ground parts of a tree: the branches, the leaves and the fruit. But beneath the soil lies a vast, complex root system: this is your unconscious mind, filled with desires, needs and memories that quietly influence your life every day, usually without you realising it.
Carl Jung famously noted: “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will rule our lives and we will call it Fate”. This explains why we often feel stuck in the same frustrating patterns or habits. It isn't a lack of willpower; it's that the deep roots of our psyche are pulling us in directions we don't consciously understand.
Humans naturally strive for wholeness, but we tend to get in our own way. Many of us spend years burying parts of ourselves that feel wrong, shameful or unacceptable due to social pressure, old fears or the way we were raised. We push these pieces deep underground, believing that ignoring them makes us better or safer.
However, true growth happens when we stop fighting ourselves. By exploring and welcoming every part of our experience (even the parts we’ve been taught to hide), the inner conflict subsides and our outer, worldly experience begins to feel smoother and more congruent. That nagging feeling that “something is missing” dissipates and we begin to feel like we’re living a more authentic life that aligns with our values.
Arnold Mindell, a pioneer of process-oriented psychology (Processwork), suggested that the key to staying on the path towards congruence is simple, moment-to-moment awareness. When we pay attention to the present, we can bridge the gap between who we are and who we are becoming.
Ultimately, becoming more yourself is not about planting a new tree or pruning away the “bad” parts of your personality. It’s the process of nourishing the roots you were told to ignore and acknowledging the full depth of your system. To become more yourself is to stop performing and start integrating, moving from a life of hidden fragments to a life of wholeness.
Image credit: filmfoto