Are you trying something new?
Whether you’re trying a new method of communicating with your partner, learning a new skill in your job, developing a creative practice or learning a healthier way to manage anger, stress or anxiety, these are all examples of trying something new.
It can be exhilarating and satisfying to try something new, to learn a new way of doing or being. It can also bring up feelings of disappointment and shame that you’re not an instant expert, and frustration that you keep falling back into the old way or that you’re not learning the new skill fast enough. You want to change and grow but the new way just seems too hard at times, maybe even counter-intuitive. You might find yourself having thoughts like these:
“You should be better at this by now!”
“You’re a failure. You might as well stop trying.”
“Everyone else finds it easy; why is it so difficult for you?”
Sound familiar?
When we try new things, our protective inner voices can become very loud and, paradoxically, hyper-critical. These inner voices are usually childhood coping strategies that have turned into internalised beliefs about who we are and how things ‘should’ be. While these beliefs might’ve kept us safe in childhood, over time they can become over-protective and restrictive rather than helpful, preventing personal growth and leading to a sense of being ‘stuck’.
Giving yourself compassion is one way to quieten those critical voices. Remind yourself that it takes time to learn new skills and change old patterns and habits; it takes practice. So acknowledge every step you take and be kind to yourself while you’re practising.
Here are some tips for keeping you on the growth path, as you practise the new skill or new way of being:
Celebrate progress - acknowledge the times when you do the new thing or respond in the new way.
Accept whatever you’re feeling -there might be fear, sadness, joy, disappointment, anger, frustration, excitement...
Journalling can help track feelings and keep things in perspective.
Nourish yourself by doing things that give you pleasure. Make a list if you’re not sure.
Spend time with people who nourish you and with whom you can be yourself.
Ask for support from people you trust.
If you’re stuck in a self-critical loop, considering seeking professional therapeutic support.
When we try something new, we’re like a baby learning to walk. Would you criticise a baby who’s learning to walk? Or would you be patient with their attempts and celebrate every “baby step”?
I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: it takes time to learn new skills and change old patterns and habits; it takes practice. So…
Be kind to yourself.